I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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