Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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