sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize