so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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