I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize