hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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