There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize