We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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