Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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