It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
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Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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