Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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