i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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