I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize