Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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