Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
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God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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