My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize