this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize