Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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