I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize