i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize