Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize