He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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