Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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