We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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