Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize