I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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