your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize