I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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