Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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