4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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