something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
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He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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