she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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