I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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