Me. At least after what I've been through.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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