don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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