Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize