you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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