Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
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i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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