Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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