Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My pussy is not your playground.
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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