hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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