i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well you can't waste a boner
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize