can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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