I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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