3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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