dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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