Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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