how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
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I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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