I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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