the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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