She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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