My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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